.... Conradicting Feelings....

At 1:40 PM on Friday, April 15, 2005

haha... guess what....? saw ferlin's blog... know that she is happy now... i'm also happy for her... is like almost every week she has been meeting by with yongxi.... but me.... i haven't seen him for weeks.... i'm like sad... but know if i should be sad... anot... hehe.... how i wish my relationship with jerry could be like ferlin and yongxi.... HOW I WISH.... but is only i wish.... this ia equal to mission impossible... cos he is disappointed by me and i heart broken by him.... is there a chance for us to get back.... still wondering and thinking... why must this happen to me.... why does he find it diffcult to forgive me....? why can't he just give the both of us one more chance to continue on the relationship... i really don't see any light of hope in this anymore.... should i just forget about him and just carry on with my life... but how to forget him when he is part of my life once upon a time.... how i wish i could knock my head and lost all my memories of him.... and start myself anew again.... haiz... anyway, this saturday is Kenneth's birthday.... Kenneth invited me there... so that he could create a chance for us to talk between ourselves... i like... will he be there...? if he is not there.... will i be disappointed, sad or what...? still dunno but i just tell my self not to put hope on this... cos the more hopeful you are the more diappointed you will be when the result doesn't turn out to be the answer you wanted...

Love,
F@iTh